How to Deal with Jealousy

How To Stop Being Jealous

This time on Pretty Spiritual Podcast, we tackle the swamplands of jealousy. (Remember how we felt about self-pity?) It's going to be a little cringey. Don’t worry, us too! In episode 39, we’ll look at this feeling, investigate its common causes, and see what it has to teach us about ourselves. Wondering how to overcome jealousy? Come join the party!

Jealousy is one of those emotions that’s so hard to look at directly because it can feel toxic for so many of us. But today we’re going to try something new. What if we treat jealousy like it’s just another intelligent emotion pointing us toward something that needs our attention? What can we learn from this feeling about ourselves and our needs? It’s a tall order, but here we go.

What Is Jealousy?

To start, what is jealousy? Here’s what Psychology Today had to say by way of a definition:

“Jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses feelings ranging from fear of abandonment to rage and humiliation. It strikes people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations, and is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party. The threat may be real or imagined. Not limited to romantic relationships, jealousy can also arise among siblings competing for parental attention, among co-workers, or in friendships.”

So, why is it so hard to just say the words I’m jealous? Why is it so hard to own our feelings in a loving way that doesn’t punish us or the people who have triggered this feeling in us?

That’s where all the stickiness comes in. Before we start thinking about how not to be jealous, we have to acknowledge the top internal causes of jealousy. And pretty much all of them have that familiar swampy feel. 

Why Am I So Jealous?

Wondering, why am I so jealous? Here are the top five reasons: low self-esteem (LOL, duh?), neuroticism (oh good!), feelings of insecurity and possessiveness, dependence on your partner, feelings of inadequacy in your relationship, and an anxious attachment style (a chronic fear that your partner will abandon you or not love you enough). So much fun!

Are you experiencing jealousy in relationships? Often this feeling can interrupt intimacy, both with our true selves and the people we love. If you’re wondering how to stop being jealous, we’ve got a few ideas to share.

Firstly, feelings are not facts! What happens when we’re finally willing to witness our feelings without believing that they represent reality? What is it like to look underneath the jealousy for the emotional states that gave rise to this feeling? This is where we really learn how to get over jealousy. And spoiler alert: it’s an inside job.

What’s jealousy like in your life? Please share your experiences and tools with us. Find us on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Insight Timer, Google Play, Spotify, Soundcloud, Podbean, and Stitcher (or our Contact page) and share your feelings, thoughts, and anything else! Thanks for listening to our spiritual podcasts. We love ya